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DIS & DAT - with a dominatrix twist

Updated: Jan 28

Well, well, well! Guess who pulled a disappearing act over the holidays? Yours truly, caught up in a whirlwind of out-of-town guests, parties, and a serious case of creative constipation. And let's not forget the cherry on top – Google Merch throwing shade at my designs again. I'm practically an open book, sharing the juiciest bits of my life with strangers, and still, they're not satisfied. How much more transparent can one be? I swear, designing a national fruitcake-themed T-shirt nearly had me reaching for the porcelain throne.

Trends, trends, trends – the bane of my existence. I've always been a leader, not a follower, and it's as if the universe itself can't handle my originality. I even considered a dominatrix twist just to shake things up, because who needs Google Merch and its rules? To hell with them! My website is about my enjoyment, damn it.


Now, let's talk Barbie. Oh, the legal dance I'd have to do with Mattel if I pursued those designs. But hey, Barbie is a legend! Those T-shirts might just see the light of day after I figure out a strategy – or maybe after I drop a cool $50,000 for the rights. Because, let's be honest, this business is all about my joy and amusement.

And speaking of life's twists, my daughter went and converted to Muslim. No talking about politics or religion on T-shirts, Google Merch insists. But hey, I'm a chill, spiritual mom. Love is love, and if her boyfriend loves cats, that's a big win in my book. Maybe I'll even post her pic one day with pre-authorization, of course.


Now, the holiday season! Hubby went all out – two Jo Malone fragrances, a fancy Italian bag, a microneedler called Derminator (because nothing says love like needles, right?), and an Oculus virtual reality game that I'm itching to try.

But enough about me, let's dive into a hilarious dominatrix story. Picture this – family dinner at Carmines in Palm Beach Gardens, reminiscing about the good old days. Uncle Pete recognizing me from the Montel Williams show, people in Warren Township giving realtor James some interesting feedback after my Women's Entertainment show aired. And then, the pièce de résistance – a doctor paying me $2500 to drive him around in a suit and throw him in mud. Forget whips and chains; we're talking mud fetish here!


Enter my sister in latex and thigh-high stiletto boots. We're on a mud hunt, burning fuel in my gas guzzler SUV, and this doctor is losing his marbles in the back seat. After a series of warnings, I pull over in a suburban area, and the drama unfolds. Pushing, pulling, and a 300-pound resistance – it's like trying to move a boulder in stilettos.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I approach a couple parked in a car in full dominatrix gear, explaining my bizarre situation. They chuckle, scratch their heads, and heroically rescue me from the mud-seeking maniac. Crisis averted! But, oh, I forgot about my sister in the chaos. She's running in high heels, chasing the car like her life depends on it.


Lesson learned: mud, stilettos, and dominatrix gigs make for one hell of a story. Haaaa – rewriting life's absurdity with a touch of humor and those sought-after keywords: dominatrix story, funny bloggers, blogs about women, and blog top. Because who said life can't be a comedy?






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