Updated: Sep 1
Once upon a time in the land of search engines, I really thought I had found my digital soulmate – Google. We started off great, clicking on links, exploring the web, and even sharing memes. Like a cyber lust, I desired Mr.Google. And that turned out to be a very bad decision. Mr.Google abused me, took my money, called me names like a bad landing page experience and had the nerve to accuse me of misrepresentation. If anyone really knows me- they know EXACTLY who I am.
Around this tramaltruous time Bing made a humble yet enlightening entrance and I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. With the hopes of previously undiscovered long tail keywords with low competition, some really strong backlinks and discounted ppc' I delved deeper. I just knew he would treat me kindly and not gaslight me like google Merch did- he would actually return my messages for help rather than send monotonous replies via artificial intelligence that clearly did not answer my questions.
Finding Microsoft Bing turned out to be a hidden gem in a sea of search results – smaller but oh-so-inviting. As I swiped left on Google and right on Bing, I realized that size doesn't always matter. Sure, Google was the big player, but Bing had that underdog charm, like the cute barista at a coffee shop who remembers your name. I wanted more than just algorithmic answers; I craved a connection. Bing appreciated my DDD sized Brain and A+ creativity. Yep, I was finished with the Google Merchant debacle – where legit businesses are getting interrupted faster than a sneeze in a windstorm. It's like the internet Nazis decided to mess with the good folks just trying to make an honest buck. I mean, even our email address is owned by them and taken hostage. Time to say hello to Yahoo!, the forgotten hero of the email realm.
Bing appreciates my shortcomings when navigating the technological aspects and doesn't give me issues with feed management, he forgives my mistakes with lengthy titles and descriptions and he won't suspend me because he knows I'm not a defiant website owner, but rather someone eager to learn and improve. Well maybe a bit defiant in other areas. Ha,ha,ha! And yes; I misbehave.
So, with the determination of a warrior fighting for their kingdom, I am dumping my Google holdings like a bad habit – sold, sealed, and reinvested like a financial wizard. This is a rebirth, a liberation from the clutches of the Google overlords. And guess what? I don't need a Google search to find humor in this absurd situation.
Speaking of humor, enter the world of funny bloggers and Funny or Die – the online sanctuaries where laughter is the currency and witty observations rule the day. Google might have tried to darken my internet doorstep, but I found solace in the arms of these digital jesters. With every chuckle, I felt like I was sticking it to the big G in the funniest way possible.
But wait, there's more! I found out that even giants have expiration dates. Just like a tub of yogurt hiding at the back of the fridge, Google's time will come. I can almost see the day when people reminisce about the days of "googling" something, and the younger generation will ask, "What's a Google?" Time keeps moving forward, and so do our choices.
In the end, my journey from Google to Bing, from email to Yahoo!, and from frustration to reinvestment taught me one thing: life is too short to be stuck in a one-sided digital relationship. As the internet evolves, we evolve with it. So, here's to finding a new AI partner that appreciates my business, to selling t-shirts with a purpose, and to embracing the hilarious bloggers who keep us sane in this crazy online world.
And who knows, maybe one day we'll all be laughing about this over a cup of AI-brewed coffee while reminiscing about the time Google thought it ruled the internet like a boss.
Its over google! No more feeling like a tech-savvy hamster stuck on a never-ending wheel - No need to send Google Merch my umpteenth service request, praying for a miracle to bust through these digital hurdles.
But hey, enough of that madness! It's time to celebrate! Take a break! Off to the mall I go, ready to shop away my techie troubles and pretend I'm a retail therapy pro. I wish I could jet off on a fabulous vacation, but my tan lines just screamed, "Slow down, honey, you've had enough!"
So, let's get real and take on this creative quest instead as I can't resist the temptation of brewing tee-riffic ideas inspired by this quirky chat. Imagine a tee filled with humor like TheBloggess and other funny geniuses, capturing the very essence of laughter and creativity. With these magical ingredients, I'll create the tee that'll make everyone laugh their ass off! And guess what? Amidst the geeky google glitches, I'm about to embark on a hilariously wild ride of design and writing, finding solace in humor as I munch on some Crumbl cookies! Who said tech woes can't be tackled with a dash of laughter and a sprinkle of delicious treats? Let the fun-filled creative journey begin! Cheers and here's to the next batch of funny offensive shirts.....
FORGET KARMA, GO FOR JUSTICE